Sudden outburst - A personal reflection

My family has been teasing me about my "sudden outburst" from time to time.

The thing is, I didn't even notice this until they first told me about it.

They noticed that I tend to raise my voice and respond in a defensive (or even disrespectful) manner to certain comments they have made. After a few of such episodes, they started associating me with the term "sudden outburst". They would say something like "Let's not provoke her, otherwise she will have a sudden outburst again". I actually find this funny and thus would just laugh along with them.

Then, I asked myself.. Do I really have this issue of sudden outburst (in an angrily manner)? Is it because I am too sensitive? Too petty?

I started reflecting on this and realised something unhealthy going on. That is, there are certain things that I hold a strong stand about. Thus, in face of an opposing comment which is completely different from my point of view, my very first reaction would be to reject it. Sometimes, I reject it in a disrespectful manner.. which is very mean and unlike my natural happy-go-luck self.

Through a thorough reflection, I realise that:

1) Everyone is entitled to Freedom of speech

We all have our own worldview. It is something that guides us in our thinking and perception. Just because I hear something that goes against my worldview, it doesn't mean I should shut my ears and rudely interrupt by conveying my personal views. Instead, I should understand the fact that each of us are unique, and therefore, it is natural for us to have a different worldview.

In this modern society, most of us are able to express our own views freely. Nevertheless, we must not abuse this privilege by saying something irresponsibly and hurt others in the process. 

 2) The key is: Listen to understand 

 " Listen to understand, not for the sake of generating an immediate response "

If we don't listen well and communicate to understand what the other party is truly conveying, how do we expect to ourselves to give a fair response? Say, John and Anne are talking about something. John expresses his views and Anne responded by commenting how disgusting John is, based on what she heard. But the thing is.. - Does she fully comprehend what John really meant? - Did she gain a wrong impression because she doesn’t know the entire story? This brings us to the next point.. 

3) It is OK to disagree, but don't disrespect 

Continuing from the example of John and Anne – Say, Anne has listened and now understands John’s views better (e.g. why he thought this way, why he felt this way, etc). However, she still holds a different view from him. 

This is absolutely fine, and I am sure all of us have been in such a situation before. Anne can definitely disagree with John. However, she should still respect John’s views instead of condemning it. 

Being empathetic helps in this process – Put yourself in John’s shoes. How would you feel if someone (who disagrees with you) condemns your views? How would you feel if someone thinks that his or her views are far more superior compared to yours? 

Conclusion 

With the above reflection, I hope that I can be more open-minded. And that the next time I hear an opposing view, I will listen to understand. Afterall, there is no win or lose in communication (except for debate LOL). No point hurting others with a mean response. But if you have accidentally given such a response, it is never too late to apologise. Late is better than never.